Understanding Emotional Regulation: Why It Matters & How to Build It

Emotional regulation is the ability to notice, tolerate, and respond to emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. It doesn’t mean staying calm all the time — it means staying connected to yourself when emotions are strong.

Many people were never taught how to regulate emotions, especially those with histories of trauma, chronic stress, or ADHD. This isn’t a personal failing — it’s a skill that can be learned and practiced.

What Emotional Regulation Is (and Isn’t)

Emotional regulation is:

• noticing what you’re feeling

• understanding what your body needs

• choosing how to respond instead of reacting automatically

Emotional regulation is not:

• suppressing emotions

• forcing yourself to “calm down”

• pretending everything is fine

Regulation allows emotions to move through you — not take over.

Common Myths

“If I were regulated, I wouldn’t feel this way.”Strong emotions don’t mean you’re dysregulated — they mean something matters.

“Regulating emotions means ignoring them.”Avoiding emotions often increases distress. Regulation creates space to feel safely.

A Gentle Reminder

Learning emotional regulation takes time and practice. You’re not doing it wrong — you’re building a skill.

To support this process, we’ve created a free Naming What You Feel exercise-  Download the free resource here.