The Mental Load & Why “Fair Share” Matters in Relationships

Courtney Ryder
Nov 27
2 min read

Many couples across Atlantic Canada, including those we support in New Brunswick, Newfoundland & Labrador, Nova Scotia, and PEI, struggle with something that isn’t always talked about openly:the mental load.

The mental load is the invisible layer of planning, organizing, remembering, scheduling, anticipating, and emotionally carrying the household.It’s the part of life that often doesn’t show up on a to-do list, yet weighs heavily on our minds and bodies.

For people living with ADHD, anxiety, trauma histories, burnout, or chronic stress, the mental load often feels even heavier — and it can significantly impact relationships, communication, and emotional connection.

Why the Mental Load Matters

When one partner carries more of the “thinking work,” it can lead to:

resentment
emotional exhaustion
shutdown or burnout
conflict cycles
feeling unappreciated or unseen
a sense of imbalance or inequality

Couples often come to therapy not because of one big issue, but because of the ongoing strain of constant responsibility without support.

At Everest Therapeutics, especially in our work with couples, neurodivergent families, and overwhelmed parents, we see how powerful it can be when partners have clear language and tools to understand the invisible workload.

Introducing the Fair Share Checklist

Our free Fair Share Checklist was created to help couples take a compassionate, honest look at:

household tasks
emotional labour
invisible responsibilities
cognitive load
daily pressures
caregiving expectations

It’s not about blaming or keeping score.It’s about bringing awareness, opening communication, and creating a more balanced partnership — one where both people feel supported and valued.

The checklist can help couples:

name the tasks they take on
identify areas that feel unfair or unbalanced
understand each other’s stress points
create small, actionable changes
reduce conflict rooted in overwhelm

This resource is especially helpful for couples navigating ADHD, differences in executive functioning, new parenthood, trauma histories, or busy work lives.

A Healthier Relationship Starts With Shared Understanding

Every relationship deserves balance, cooperation, and emotional safety.By using the Fair Share Checklist, couples can move from assumptions and frustration into clarity, teamwork, and care.

Small shifts in household and emotional labour can create big improvements in connection, communication, and overall relationship well-being.